The World Is Your Oyster - Now Go Find That Pearl


Thanks to Karynne Summars for posting this article! Karynne is a former international corporate finance professional turned author/screenwriter. Her thriller drama romance novels Desperate Pursuit in Venice and Desperate Pursuit in Rio de Janeiro were published in 2013 and 2015.

I often consult with Millennial Men who are seeking gentle advice and practical solutions to their dating and relationship issues.  My initial approach during a 1-on-1 or small group session is to practice active and compassionate listening skills, so I can truly hear and understand their male perspectives . I then relate their experiences to my own relationship encounters, allowing me to openly and honestly share the pros and cons of my past behaviors, actions and decisions.  By my being bold, courageous and authentic in sharing my vulnerabilities and lessons learned, I am better able to guide my clients to a place of self-awareness. And, voila! Before we know it, they are answering their own questions and resolving their own issues. When this happens, I call myself the “Relationship Whisperer”!

I remind my male subjects, “The world is your oyster. Now, go find that pearl!” But first, I recommend that each guy follow a three-step process that will jumpstart his journey and, ultimately, lead him to his destination…that is, if his goal is to find a long-term partner. I advise, “If you are going to commit, do so by practicing preparedness, patience and prevention!  Be wise!”

Three-Step Process to Finding a Genuine Pearl!

Step 1:  Are you prepared to seek that Pearl?

Have you taken the time to look back before believing you're really ready to go ahead?

Have you acknowledged the pros and cons of your past relationship?

Do you fully understand your needs and requirements going forward?

Are you willing to change or erase negative behaviors and patterns that may have impacted your past relationship(s)?

Do you have a life strategy, and can you envision how a partner would fit into that future?

Step 2:  Do you have the patience to find the Pearl?

Are you committed to enjoy life to the fullest and be happy every day until you find the right partner?

Do you have what it takes to persevere in order to find the right person, rather than quickly settling on someone who is “good enough”?

Are you willing to take the time to do the necessary discovery to deeply know yourself and another person?

Are you willing to work with a potential relationship partner to develop trust?

Step 3:  Are you willing to practice prevention methods to avoid choosing the wrong Pearl?

Are you willing to be strong enough to immediately release unhealthy push/pull relationships?

Are you willing to watch for red flags that appear early on, and address them right away?

Are you willing to speak your truth and set boundaries?

Are you willing to say “Next” if the potential partner’s core values, passions and common interests don’t match up with yours?

Finally, you know you are ready to find that Pearl when:

You can be authentic and honest about the person who is truly right for you.

You can take the initiative in describing the kind of life you want to live together.

You know how to balance your head and your heart, and can recognize the difference between “love” and “lust” when making relationship decisions.