by Vicki Santillano, WorldLifestyle Magazine
The first time Pamela Evans got engaged, she was a junior in high school eager for freedom and independence. Six years after getting hitched, they divorced, and Evans moved quickly into another relationship. "I was too afraid to be alone, and I linked my self-worth and desire for emotional and financial security to another human being… my husband," she explained.
The Relationship Cycle Begins
Seven years later, she was divorced again and living across the country in California. Before it was finalized, she moved in with another man who would become her third husband. "That marriage lasted five years until I left our home with my belongings in garbage bags to escape his escalating emotional and physical abuse," she shares. At that point, she was 42 years old, working in Silicon Valley, and dealing with the aftermath of her failed marriages.
Her fourth marriage, this time with a family friend who comforted her after the abusive ex, was short-lived.
13 years later, after being together for over 8 years (and after taking several years to be single in order to reflect and transform herself), she married her fifth and current husband.
She also turned her journey as a "Multiple Marrier" into a book (Ring EXchange — Adventures of a Multiple Marrier), a website, and a way to provide advice and guidance to people all over who find themselves on a carousel of relationships without really understanding why.
What Led Her to Become a Multiple Marrier, in Her Words:
I was extremely young and inexperienced in relationships and in life.
I made impulsive decisions, following my "gut" rather than using knowledge and self-awareness as my barometers.
I set myself up for a subservient role in my marriages and always found myself in co-dependent relationships.
I submerged my identity and personal self-worth to a marriage partner.
I didn't vet myself thoroughly to determine my values, never learned to set boundaries, never developed interests outside of work and the relationship, and didn't know how to "make my own sunshine."
I didn't vet my partners at all. I didn't observe how they handled finances; how they handled success or failure; how they treated their family, friends, and co-workers; if they had control or security issues; or how they felt about my wanting to grow and evolve.
A Pattern That"s All Too Common
When you hear that someone's been married five times, admit it — you make assumptions about that person. You judge and speculate, whether you mean to or not. But when you find out the inner workings and circumstances that led to each relationship's beginning and end, it seems awfully relatable, doesn't it? Being so in love that you ignore major differences, following your heart instead of your brain, going for what you think you need rather than what you really want…