Inspired by Desperate Housewives and Peyton Place, Bravo’s reality series The Real Housewives of Orange County aired in 2006 and documented the lives of several well-to-do women in one of Southern California’s wealthiest enclaves. The popularity of that first series resulted in a number of spin-offs featuring Real Housewives in U.S. locations including New York, Atlanta, and Washington D.C., as well as in international cities.
It’s a given that because they're on a television reality show, all areas of these women's lives, particularly their relationships, are under close scrutiny. For example, this recent article goes into great detail about which Real Housewife has been married the most times.
But so what if they are multiple marriers?
The Real Housewives are real human beings with feelings and emotions, regardless of the fact that they may seem totally harsh and callous on television. We shouldn't label and pigeonhole these women based solely on their pasts, but instead, look at who they have become today. Why focus on the stigma of their being multiple marriers? Instead, focus on what they need to do to break that unhealthy relationship cycle.
Someone who has been married multiple times is no different from someone who has had multiple failed relationships but has never married. We have to delve more deeply into each person’s unique situation to understand how the pattern began (often at a tender young age).
Let's find out:
· Are they behaving differently now in relationships/marriages?
· What lessons have they learned?
· Do they have self-awareness?
It is very possible that the subjects of looks, fame and power may be so overwhelmingly important to the Real Housewives, they cannot, or do not care to, appreciate the core values that make for a viable, sustainable relationship. Many people crave attention and love so much, they will dive headlong into a relationship to mask their loneliness. This is a sure-fire way to carve another notch on the "failed relationship" bedpost.
When we focus on healthy values that mutually benefit each person in a marriage, we are much more apt to develop a long-term, sustainable partnership.
Healthy Relationship Values:
· mutual respect
· making time for one another
· having a genuine interest in one's partner
If you allow these concerns to bubble up to the top, your relationship with your partner, will become a great model for others.
My personal experience has taught me that it is important to first know yourself very well and very deeply before choosing a partner. This personality test is extremely enlightening; take it and get an accurate idea of your innate strengths and shortcomings. Having a solid understanding and awareness of the complex nature of our personalities enables us to know what we want out of life, and then we will make better relationship choices.
If we are in a relationship that does fail, however, it is critical that we take time to reflect carefully and seriously on what happened, so that we don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. Studying what we did wrong before moving ahead gives us clarity and increases our odds of a having a solid, sustainable relationship next time around.
Let's hope the Real Housewives have learned to seek a true awareness of who they are and what they want. Have they taken the time to look in the rearview mirror, identifying and learning from past mistakes in order to break their multiple marrier cycles?