If learning is a lifelong process, then multiple marriers (those married 3 times or more) have a chance along the journey to study the behaviors and patterns that got them onto the marry-go-round, learn from their mistakes, make positive changes and move forward to a new, more solid state of happiness.
But oftentimes, multiple marriers seek a “better suited” partner to couple with as soon as they divorce--but before they do the necessary self-reflection that could result in a healthy, balanced and successful relationship in the future. And thus, their cycle of marrying and divorcing continues without their doing the work that would lead to knowledge about why they're caught in the multiple marrier syndrome.
Other multiple marriers, after repeated attempts at marriage, decide to step aside completely from seeking further partnerships because of their fear of failure. More importantly, they never acknowledge the reasons why they have reached this saturation point where they are ready to just give up trying.
As a multiple marrier who finally took several years to get to know myself, my plea to other multiple marriers is that they take “alone time” after a failed marriage to invest in themselves. Practice self-love, do some self-exploration and research the findings about why people become multiple marriers--in order to "rise from the ashes" of repeated failed marriages with a renewed and joyful sense of self.
The main objective of honest self-assessment is to, once and for all, see yourself as an independent being who does not have to define yourself through a marital partner. Also, you will no longer feel the need to validate yourself by being in a marriage. You will, in other words, know that you are enough, by yourself.
My fourth marriage ended in divorce in 2000. It was several years after that before I finally chose to take the time to look honestly at myself and my emotions, behaviors and patterns around marriage. I must admit, it takes objectivity and courage; there's no sugarcoating that fact! I had to go through the emotionally painful process of studying my past actions and decisions that had set me on the path to multiple marriage and had kept me on that path for 29 long years. My learnings and curiosity helped me ferret out the “aha!s” that would allow me to correct the personality issues and mistaken relationship assumptions that had blocked me from developing and continuing healthy relationships. I healed myself and got on the road to seeking the “art of happiness” in my life, with or without a partner.
The moral of the story here? It’s never too late to learn. Learning about the reasons for multiple marriages and why I found myself in that category was and is, indeed, a process. Learning to really know myself and becoming comfortable with "me, myself and I" has occurred in tandem with the knowledge I've acquired about multiple marriage.
I hope to continue my education in the area of creating healthy relationships, marriage and more importantly, self-awareness. One is never too old to learn. You can "teach an old dog new tricks"--and that's the fun of it all!