The recent separation of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie gives us some insights into the importance of self-discovery and learning lessons before moving into the next relationship.
I recently received an inquiry on my Facebook page from a woman who had a question about her response to a recent break up. Below is her question and my advice.
"I had been dating this guy for the past six months and he decided to drop the bomb in the middle of a dinner date at a fine dining restaurant. I really felt blind-sided and was so upset he didn't deliver the news in a more thoughtful, intimate and sensitive manner. My emotions got the best of me and I landed a stinging slap across his face and walked out. It was in the city so I took a cab home. While I'ms till resentful of how he handled it, I feel like I should do the mature and responsible thing and apologize for the slap. I don't really feel like calling him so would an apology note via email or regular mail be appropriate?" ~Erika P.
Here is my advice: Closure is always good, so sending an email (not a text), is a good idea. With that said, your immediate reaction was understandable, particularly when the news was unexpected and delivered in a public venue and in a very impersonal way. Interestingly enough, guys often think the way to let someone down is over dinner. Perhaps, that seems easiest and best for them, but it's a horrible experience for the receiver. It is, quite frankly, in poor taste. So, I think it is fine for you to write a nice email, explaining that you are truly sorry for your physical reaction to the way in which he chose to announce he was ending your relationship, but that had he been in your situation, he might have acted similarly. Thank him for the good times you have shared over the past six months, wish him well and educate him that for future, when he is wanting to exit a relationship to give the other party the courtesy and respect of doing it in a private place where there can be civil conversation and both persons can part with a better understanding of all of the pros and cons about the relationship, so your next relationships will be better for each of you.
Forgive and move on with three things in mind:
1) Be prepared to go into the next relationship when you feel strong and happy with yourself
2) Watch for red flags early when dating, so they can be addressed.
3) Vet your partner thoroughly for lifestyle similarities, interests, passions and pay close attention to how they treat you and others with whom they come across as your relationship is progressing.
Do you have a question about your relationship? Need some advice?
When Muhammad Ali passed away last week, I discovered this video clip of him answering a question that was asked by a little boy many years ago. The question was, “What will you do when you retire from boxing?” The Greatest of All Time’s answer was undoubtedly unexpected and stunned the crowd. Watch this video and listen closely to this interview for just a few minutes.
Day 1: Tip of the Day:
Going into a relationship with "eyes wide shut" will guarantee some unexpected and, perhaps, unwanted results. Put your glasses on to help you filter the rays while you're out there scouting for your partner.
I promise myself I will never seek a partner because:
I'm feeling lonely and emotionally needy
I'm seeking financial security
I'm feeling pressure from family and friends
I'm seeking freedom and independence from a co-dependent situation
Remember, you are not in a committed relationship if your partner isn't aware. Make sure both parties are on the same page. Don't forget to do regular check-ins.
Soulmates are people with whom you have a strong connection. You may have more than one soulmate in your lifetime and they may appear on your relationship journey to accompany you as you experience a situation. A soulmate may also be present for a time to teach you a lesson. Instead, when seeking a long-term committed partner, keep your eyes open for your "twin flame". As a couple, twin flames can have a powerful impact and together open new pathways and create opportunities that will bring joy to their lives and enhance their relationship.
Always remain conscious when dating and remember to choose wisely. You'll thank yourself in months and years to come!